Me: Hey, I got a great knock knock joke, but you have to star me off.
They: Okay. knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
They: *confused silence*
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
What's Forrest Gumps password? 1forrest1
"Is your refrigerator running?" "Yes...""Good, mine too. I will see you at the refrigerator race tomorrow."
What's brown and sticky?
What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
"We are both lawyers."
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
Two fish are in a tank. One turn to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"
A magic tractor drives down the road and turns into a field.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
Walk up to someone
You: Pick a number.
Wait for them to pick one.
You: Multiply it by 3
You: Divide it by 2.
You: Add 6.
You: Okay, thanks!
Then walk away
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot!
What's white and can't climb trees?
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent.
What do you call a camel with no humps?
What's a bagel than can fly?
A plain bagel.
A man with carrots in his ears walks onto a bus, the bus drive says "Sir, why do you have carrots in your ears?" The man says "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I HAVE CARROTS IN MY EARS!"
Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."